Handkerchief

Today, being that I was in pain from the chemotherapy drug called Taxol, I went to the Cancer clinic to pick up more Lortab for bone pain. Yeah, I heard Taxol would be easier to tolerate. Easier than throwing up from Adriamycin/Cytoxan? Well, I never threw up from AC. But easier than nausea 24/7? Hmm, let me choose: terrible nausea or terrible pain... Ahhh just cant make up my mind!

Taxol has given me such pain that I have to take pain killers. Of course I won't do Percocet. Yet. I try to avoid that one. How people can get addicted to pain killers is beyond me. Beeluchhhh. I won't describe side effects of pain killers. Anyhow, Lortab is part Tylenol and part something else. I guess I can tolerate lots of pain as I waited too long to take the pain pills and spent a good 15 minutes crying from pain last night. I can take lots of stress and not cry, but cried I did. Wow!

Anyhow, as I walked out of the building (my bag, now heavy with 90 Lortabs....) a handkerchief on the ground caught my eye and I stopped in disbelief... I was certain my father was trying to reach me. you see my Dad used handkerchiefs and not kleenex until the day he died. He always had them in his pants pocket. I mean, who uses handkerchiefs these days? The sight of the handkerchief made me think of these psychic shows where some one asks if their family member wanted to reach them with some object and the psychic says yes. Anyhow, I am certain that he was making sure that I was ok. I wonder what would transpire in a real phone call today:

DAD: Hey, darlin' I am just calling to see how you are doing. I think about you all of the time. I am just calling to day I love you. Plus I dropped my handkerchief so you would think about me. I wanted to make sure you'd remember me.

ME: How can I forget you Dad. Thanks, Dad. It is good to hear your voice after so many months. When I saw the handkerchief on the ground I thought about you immediately. I do miss our regular chats...so Thanks for making my day today by getting in touch with me. I know you are worried about the cancer but Dad, I am better. The chemo is hard but not as tough as some things in life.